Vincent Explains His “OnlyFans”: He Is His Own Only Fan

Word reached Skydale this week, by way of the Set, that Vincent has an account on something called OnlyFans.

The town drew the obvious conclusion. Vincent is the most famous person on either side of the screen, his songs fill the Dobuki 10, and here at last was a place for his fans, and only his fans. By Wednesday the queue outside the library stretched past the bakery on Ferrule Street, made up of people asking Mrs. Odile how to join.

Then, on Thursday, Vincent appeared on the Set wearing a black T-shirt with his own face printed on the front, tongue out, glasses on. He stood very still and made two peace signs. Our Screen Correspondent, who had been watching for three days straight, says the meaning was clear: the fan is him. He is his own only fan. That is why he signed up.

The back of the shirt reads, roughly: “If you want to be loved by someone, start by loving yourself.” Mrs. Odile has checked this against every book in the library and confirms that it is technically true.

On the Other Side, our correspondent adds, the name OnlyFans is associated with something else entirely, and has asked not to be made to explain what.

The Dobuki 10 chart committee has decided to keep its Thursday fan club going anyway, on the grounds that Vincent should not have to do this alone. Membership has tripled. The shirt is available from the Other Side.

Related: The “I love Vincent” T-shirt