Man Stranded Near a Deserted Moon With a Bottle of Whiskey Requests Rescue Ship
He lost a bet, then the moon, then the key. A friend named Gwen is “not answering.”
· 1 min read
Skydale Port Authority has received a distress call from a small ship drifting near a deserted planet, crewed by one man and one bottle of whiskey.
“Help! Please send me a rescue ship,” the message begins. It goes on to explain that he lost a bet, crashed into a moon, and then lost the key to his ship. He has been drinking since, on the grounds that the whiskey is now his only friend.
Port officials say the call mentions a woman named Gwen several times, mostly in the context of being “friend-zoned.” It is not known whether this is the same Gwen whose fights at Skydale High have been drawing crowds. Several people in town have opinions about this.
A rescue ship has been dispatched. The Port Authority asks that the man stop drinking before it arrives, as the rescue ship would like its key back afterwards.
Related: Drunk in Space
3 Comments
It’s the same Gwen. I have notebooks.
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Update: rescue ship launched. Second update: the rescue ship’s crew have also lost a bet. We are looking into it.
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If he comes back through town we’ll do him a coffee. Black. Large.
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